the girliness of the wasteland

By Vaim Sarv


the girliness of the wasteland

By Vaim Sarv

rocks have been embedded into my palm
by a cliff as a reminder
of my closeness to death

you see, i had been callously combing
through squirreltrack and leafstem
shalehead and dustprint
for a round opening
a promise of darkness and disappearance
of refuge from vigilance both
human and digital

having scoured the walls
with my eyelids and toes
i was still blind and so proceeded
to scamper upwards
over swollen veins
and tectonic tissue

vertically hurtling
i glued my body
to every stone, particle and branch
breathlessly whispering
thank you
to everyone i disturbed

and then
i came to know
my closeness to death
in just one life moment
the cliff warned me
in a tongue more succinct than feeling
that if i moved one step closer
i would be killed

frozen i fell
onto all fours
and so proceeded
to lower myself down

back to the ground
i fell and finally felt
my hands heavy
and chest compressed

bruised and bloody
broken by violent intimacy
i faltered haltingly
towards a now grateful grief

dear platform

for anette, sanna, and fred

the girliness of the wasteland
the maddening mäda
curling around our
fingers and vocal folds
folding into us 
holding us and the rot
the stench the pink umami excretions
the drop and the drip
of the cables all bunched up
around the thighs studded flashing
uploading and held up bound in
outbound and unbounded

the crash

and the melt

the severed strands of unceasing relentless commands and
the sweat on your brow
the perspiration and damp of a constant plan
sidestepping and laughing off to the side 
i side ways and sideways fall on the sharpened blade
of that communal swamp
that is always no matter what and when
unendingly tending to us

rain boots on we toddle and splash spraying
with the utmost most caring and gentle disregard
for the watching faces we unfaithfully face and
deface via the wrong path we continue to forget we took

dear platform
now that i’ve dragged you down to the river and
now that we’ve both escaped the tangled center
that cavernous carnivorous carnal center
that sad and lonely data center
now that i’ve held you down and listened to the sound of
your eyes fluttering shut and the timbre of your voice change
and now that we’re both a bit less lonely in that hardcore white european way
i’d like to let go of the plot and the fear
of the non-fact that letting go of means losing (the plot)

i’d like to let go of you with the knowledge
that you’ll be back tomorrow dear platform
i’d like to set you afloat let you drift in the river

dear platform
now that we’ve finally touched

until further notice
celebrate everything
said a sign on a house separated in many ways
from the technological workers
a facebook fortress 
and the salt farms
i placed this instruction inside me
and crossed a final threshold
into an openly grey area
it was clear to my sensory organs
that ”humans” had only recently started
”caring” for this place

moving past emptiness and habitat
i came to an edge delineated
by water and fence
and found 3 black cats 
siblings, with 6 yellow eyes
they were hiding from the rain
under wood fibre and plastic
that someone had arranged 

miles from any dwelling
their dry and precarious presence
lunged at me 

wounded by shared fragility
gazes tenuously locked
we celebrated everything

All images by Vaim Sarv

Vaim Sarv is a folk musician and experimental vocalist. Her rituals combine free improvisation with noise and ancient Finno-Ugric folk song. Using portable, consumer-grade electronics and extended vocal technique, he worships spaces with unconventional acoustics and queer senses of place.